2-Fold Intention
To keep us from objectifying the person who walks through our door into a $tat and/or just dragging them on the journey we’ve chosen for them, I’ve found it helpful to stay focused on two fundamental aspects. Connecting with them on a personal level while Engagingly Explaining what Chiropractic actually is about and what’s possible for them through Chiropractic. With this approach I’ve seen some of the biggest skeptics, adamantly opposed, and a 3C or Casual Chiropractic Consumer—those who think it’s just about back pain, symptom relief, or getting popped—shift to choosing the health & wellness route.
I recently discovered that this bifocal approach is what is essential for influence, what the experts label as charisma. In her book Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication,
Vanessa Van Edwards dispels the mystery for all of us. She explains that charisma may be innate for some people, but it’s actually a skill that can be learned, even for introverts.
In her book, Vanessa gives 96 cues—those tiny signals we send to others 24/7 through our body language, facial expressions, word choices, and vocal inflections.
What are these two essential categories of cues that woo?
Warmth and Competence.
Warmth says to people, “You can trust me,” while Competence says. “You can rely on me.”
You’re Getting Warmer
Some of the cues are as simple as a slight nod of the head, a smile, and leaning in toward someone, all of which convey warmth. This trifecta was found in a study among physical therapists to produce more positive outcomes with their patients.
Here’s a short list of Warmth cues you can add to your repertoire today:
- Head tilt - Tilting your head slightly increases likeability and encourages people to open up.
- Nodding - Vertical "yes" nodding is encouraging and agreeable, and invites them to say more..
- Raised eyebrows - Quickly raising your eyebrows communicates curiosity, attention, and delight.
- Savor smiles - Allow your smile to spread slowly across your face for more sincerity and bonding.
- Touch - Subtle touches like handshakes, high-fives, or arm touches build trust.
- Mirroring - Matching someone's gestures, expressions, volume, tone, and word choices shows you're on the same page.
- Personal stories and anecdotes - Sharing personal experiences adds warmth and friendliness.
- Vocal warmth - Using a warm, resonant tone and varying your vocal range conveys approachability.
Over a decade ago I implemented mirroring in the initial consultation to build rapport. Wow! With just this one tiny addition I saw a huge change in people’s receptiveness. Like attracts like. If someone is more timid or shy, they tend to sit back, hold their arms/hands in a guarded way, and make less eye contact. A more assertive person will sit forward, be direct, with an increased volume. Choosing some of their cues to mirror is a game changer.
Disingenuous? It can be. But, it is also a sign of empathy to both “see them” and communicate that you’re willing to make the effort to move toward them. It’s an act of caring.
In one of her many interviews, Vanessa talked about vulnerability. The point she made is huge! Vulnerability doesn’t take away (diminish, reduce) your competence. It adds to your warmth. Does that make sense? Sharing a negative about yourself is not a sign of weakness. It allows people to identify with you.
The opening line of her book was originally “The science of people will change your life.” At the 11th hour she changed the line to “My name is Vanessa, and I’m a recovering awkward person.” Hundreds of thousands of people have told her that they bought the book because of that line.
Is our goal to appear awesome or to influence people for their benefit?
Is Competence Cold?
Being matter of fact is often perceived as distant or cold. It isn’t exactly cold, it just lacks the warmth that could accompany it. When we just give data, and studie,s and explain in detail everything about Chiropractic, their care, what to expect, etc. people may be impressed, but it creates a separation between us and them.
While it is a connection between the cerebral types, even then, it can create a level of distrust. They believe you can do the job, but they may never have the same buy-in that they would if they don’t feel the warmth. On the other hand, if we’re only warm and reveal too little competence in our cues we risk them thinking they can’t rely on us.
Similar to the study above, another one showed that patient outcomes improved by over 80% just by ensuring they better understood what was wrong with them and how the care or intervention was the solution to their problem. Competence is crucial.
Here’s some of the cues we can utilize to express Competence:
- Data, numbers, and credentials - Citing facts, figures, awards, and qualifications establishes expertise.
- Purposeful hand gestures - Explanatory hand gestures when speaking punctuate and emphasize key points as well as indicate you understand the topic well enough to speak and gesture at the same time.
- Confident body language - Open posture, strong eye contact, and controlled movements signal capability.
- Vocal competence - Speaking with a lower pitch, steady pace, and clear articulation conveys authority.
- Imagery and visuals1 - Using high-quality graphics, fonts, colors reinforces a competent message.
- Structuring consults/ROFs effectively - Having a clear agenda and leading discussions demonstrates leadership competence.
Awareness + Balance = Empowered
Know your flavor: It is super helpful to both make an honest assessment of ourselves as well as getting feedback from family, friends, and colleagues. Are you high in warmth cues in need of some competence cues that leave people feeling good about you, but not willing to follow your care and health recommendations? Do you exhibit plenty of competence cues, but inadequate warmth cues which distance you from people leaving them unwilling to commit?
It may be time to learn some new tricks. Pick one or two new cues to add in your weaker category and practice them everywhere. Find out the cues that make you actually feel Competent or Warm. You can even create a better space and environment in which you can be your most charismatic self. Use colors or props that primarily you will see or recognize that remind you to be W or C.
When more colorful walls was a thing, I used “mango” on an accent wall where I did consults and reports. Psychologically it encourages people to feel more received by and open to others. It also reminded me to kick in my mirroring and other warmth cues as I’m prone to overdo on the didactic and information. Once, after an ROF, a lady responded with stunned and blinking eyes, “You’re very verbose.” I didn’t know whether to say thank you or apologize.
The better you know yourself, the more empowered you become to gain control of yourself as well as a host of different situations. When someone gives you the harrumph pose of disbelief or disagreement, or close themselves off with crossed arms and reduced eye contact, you can assess it without feeling hurt or inadequate and seek understanding through questions to determine the roots of their response. Addressing these in the moment frees their mind/heart to engage you and the topic at hand.
About Vanessa
Vanessa Van Edwards is a bestselling author and behavioral investigator and the founder of the Science of People, a human behavior research lab.
For more information on/from Vanessa:
At https://www.scienceofpeople.com/ you’ll find tons of free content and even training
Watch her TEDx Talk “You Are Contagious” here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cef35Fk7YD8